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Retirement quotes

funny retirement quotes 4

Let’s face it, a regular retirement card can often be a bit boring. The same bland wishes or words. However,a good way you can liven up your message is to inject a bit of humour into it. If you know the retiring person well enough then poking fun at them or being a bit cheeky in their retirement card is the perfect way to avoid the usual clichés.

Some good, funny retirement quotes will get them chuckling away, so take advantage of these quotes below and use them to brighten this momentous event.


“When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.”
R.C. Sherriff


“I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.” Danny McGoorty


“When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.”
Chi Chi Rodriguez


“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” ~Abe Lemons


“Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” ~Gene Perret


“I’m retired — goodbye tension, hello pension!” ~Author Retirement:


“Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.” ~Author Unknown


“Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money.” ~Author Unknown


“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” ~Gene Perret

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“Yes,” he laughed, “I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps.” ~Terri Guillemets


“The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.” ~Author Unknown


“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” ~Will Rogers, Autobiography, 1949


“When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.” ~Gail SheehyhPerretgolf.

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“When you retire, you switch bosses — from the one who hired you to the one who married you.” ~Gene Perret


“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes


“I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.” ~Gene Perret


“In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day.” ~Terri Guillemets


“Retirement is like a long vacation in Vegas. The goal is to enjoy these years to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” ~Jonathan Clements, “Playing the Right Cards For a Long Retirement,” The Wall Street Journal, November 1999

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“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.” ~George Burns


“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” ~Ogden Nash


“One of the problems with retirement is that it gives you more time to read about all the problems of retirement.”

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“Retirement adds 5 days to your weekend! Enjoy it!”


“What? Are you old enough to be retiring?”


“I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.” Danny McGoorty


“Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and, how you want to do it.” Catherine Pulsifer

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“There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working” – Robert Half


“When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income” – Chi Chi Rodriguez


“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it” – Gene Perret

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“A retired husband is often a wife’s full- time job” – Ella Harris


“I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day” – Gene Perret


“I would like to extend my condolences to your employer for the devastating loss. Happy retirement!”

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One thing you can do if you are struggling to find the appropriate words for a retirement card message is to use one or more retirement quotes. This gives you the opportunity of using the words or feelings already articulated by someone else, perhaps in a better way, but also find something inspiring or with a different perspective of retirement.

So use one or more of the famous poets, authors and celebrities from the selection of retirement quotes below to help your retirement card stand out and offer more than just a standard, run of the mill greeting or message.


“For retirement brings repose, and repose allows a kindly judgment of all things.” John Sharp Williams


“Retire from work, but not from life.” M. K. Soni


“For retirement brings repose, and repose allows a kindly judgment of all things.” John Sharp Williams


“The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income. ~George Foreman


“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” ~Will Rogers, Autobiography, 1949

retirement quotes for a retirement card


“Retirement has been a discovery of beauty for me,” Hartman said in sudden seriousness. “I never had the time before to notice the beauty of my grandkids, my wife, the tree outside my very own front door. And, the beauty of time itself.” ~Terri Guillemets

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“Retirement without the love of letters is a living burial.” ~Seneca


“Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can’t retire his experience. He must use it.” ~Bernard Baruch


“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” ~Pooh’s Little Instruction Book, inspired by A.A. Milne


“I try to treat each evening and weekend as little slices of retirement because no one is guaranteed a lengthy one at the end of their career.” ~Mike Hammar


“Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache…… Unless you play golf” – Gene Perret

retirement quotes for a retirement card


“When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income” – Chi Chi Rodriguez


“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it” – Gene Perret


“A retired husband is often a wife’s full- time job” – Ella Harris


“I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day” – Gene Perret


“When you retire, you switch bosses – from the one who hired you to the one who married youx – Gene Perret


“But what, it may be asked, are the requisites for a life of retirement? A man may be weary of the toils and torments of business, and yet quite unfit for the tranquil retreat. Without literature, friendship, and religion, retirement is in most cases found to be a dead, flat level, a barren waste, and a blank. Neither the body nor the soul can enjoy health and life in a vacuum.”
— Richter

retirement quotes for a card


“Age [along with retirement] appears to be best in four things — old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read.”
— Francis Bacon

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“Retire from work, but not from life.”
– M.K. Soni


“The key to retirement is to find joy in the little things.”
– Susan Miller


“I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.”
– Hartman Jule


“Retirement is not a work status, it’s an attitude”


“Planning to retire? Before you do, find your hidden passion, do the thing that you have always wanted to do.” Catherine Pulsifer

retirement quotes to go in a retirement card


“Sit back and relax and do the things you never got a chance to do.” Julie Hebert


“For retirement brings repose, and repose allows a kindly judgment of all things.” John Sharp Williams


“Best wishes on your retirement. Enjoy a rest that’s overdue. Take pleasure in the finer things that are awaiting you.” Judith Wibberley


“Retirement may be an ending, a closing, but it is also a new beginning.” Catherine Pulsifer


“Retirement – now life begins.” Catherine Pulsifer


“Retirement, a time to enjoy all the things you never had time to do when you worked.” Catherine Pulsifer


“There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.” Robert Half

retirement quotes for a card


“Life begins at retirement.” ~Author Unknown<


“If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there’d be a shortage of fishing poles.” ~Doug Larson


“When you retire, think and act as if you were still working; when you’re still working, think and act a bit as if you were already retired.” ~Author

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“Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache… unless you play golf. Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.” ~Jim Bishop


“Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.” ~Harry
Vardon


“Don’t simply retire from something; have something to retire to.” ~Harry Emerson Fosdick


“The thing to do is to make so much money that you don’t have to work after the age of twenty-seven. In case this is impracticable, stop work at the earliest possible moment, even if it is at a quarter past eleven on the morning of the day when you find you do have enough money.” ~Robert Benchley


“I’m now as free as the breeze — with roughly the same income.” ~Gene Perret .


“Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can’t retire his experience. He must use it.” ~Bernard Baruch

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“A gold watch is the most appropriate gift for retirement, as its recipients have given up so many of their golden hours in a lifetime of service.” ~Terri Guillemets


“Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.” ~Herbert Asquith


“Retirement is the ugliest word in the language.” ~Ernest Hemingway


“Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. ~William Wordsworth
Retirement is having nothing to do and someone always keeping you from it. ~Robert Brault”


“I try to treat each evening and weekend as little slices of retirement because no one is guaranteed a lengthy one at the end of their career.” ~Mike Hammar


Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials — much to live on and much to live for. I believe that I now have both.”
— Unknown wise person


“As in all successful ventures, the foundation of a good retirement is planning.”
-Earl Nightingale


“There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of experiences just waiting to happen. Some call it retirement. I call it bliss.”
– Betty Sullivan


“There are so many other interesting ways to spend your time. I feel like early retirement is a gift, but it’s such an incredible gift. It’s a gift I need to use.”
– Martha Felt-Bardon


“Retirement means doing whatever I want to do. It means choice.”
– Dianne Nahirny


“I work harder now that I have retired from corporate life, than when I actually worked, but I love it.”
– Catherine Pulsifer


“Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and, how you want to do it.”
– Catherine Pulsifer

retirement quotes