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Funny quotes

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Let’s face it, a regular retirement card can often be a bit boring. The same bland wishes or words. However,a good way you can liven up your message is to inject a bit of humour into it. If you know the retiring person well enough then poking fun at them or being a bit cheeky in their retirement card is the perfect way to avoid the usual clichés.

Some good, funny retirement quotes will get them chuckling away, so take advantage of these quotes below and use them to brighten this momentous event.


“When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.”
R.C. Sherriff


“I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.” Danny McGoorty


“When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.”
Chi Chi Rodriguez


“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” ~Abe Lemons


“Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” ~Gene Perret


“I’m retired — goodbye tension, hello pension!” ~Author Retirement:


“Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.” ~Author Unknown


“Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money.” ~Author Unknown


“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” ~Gene Perret

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“Yes,” he laughed, “I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps.” ~Terri Guillemets


“The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.” ~Author Unknown


“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” ~Will Rogers, Autobiography, 1949


“When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.” ~Gail SheehyhPerretgolf.

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“When you retire, you switch bosses — from the one who hired you to the one who married you.” ~Gene Perret


“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes


“I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.” ~Gene Perret


“In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day.” ~Terri Guillemets


“Retirement is like a long vacation in Vegas. The goal is to enjoy these years to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” ~Jonathan Clements, “Playing the Right Cards For a Long Retirement,” The Wall Street Journal, November 1999

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“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.” ~George Burns


“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” ~Ogden Nash


“One of the problems with retirement is that it gives you more time to read about all the problems of retirement.”

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“Retirement adds 5 days to your weekend! Enjoy it!”


“What? Are you old enough to be retiring?”


“I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.” Danny McGoorty


“Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and, how you want to do it.” Catherine Pulsifer

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“There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working” – Robert Half


“When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income” – Chi Chi Rodriguez


“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it” – Gene Perret

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“A retired husband is often a wife’s full- time job” – Ella Harris


“I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day” – Gene Perret


“I would like to extend my condolences to your employer for the devastating loss. Happy retirement!”

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